How to Talk About Health at Home Without the Weight of Stigma

Conversations about health in families are often tricky. Parents want the best for their children, but worry about how to raise topics like food, body image, or lifestyle without creating shame.

In a recent live conversation with Dr. Wendy Schoffer—pediatrician, lifestyle medicine physician, improv comedian, and founder of Family in Focus—we unpacked how families can start these conversations in healthier, stigma-free ways.

Key Principles for Families

1. Shift the Focus from Control to Connection

Parents don’t have to micromanage every bite.
Following Ellen Satter’s Division of Responsibility, parents decide what, when, and where food is served; kids decide if and how much they eat.
This balance reduces conflict and helps kids develop autonomy.

2. Look for Patterns, Not Just Problems

Instead of labeling a child as “picky,” notice what foods they do eat consistently—these are their safe foods.
Explore whether resistance is linked to allergies, intolerances, or past experiences (like choking).
Remember: eating is a learned skill. New foods take practice—sometimes 10, 15, or more exposures before acceptance.

3. Slow Down the Conversation

Avoid rushing straight into “fixing.” Start by observing and connecting: “I notice you seem tired… what’s going on?”
Generic “health” talk often comes across as hidden criticism. Kids know when the real concern is about weight or food.
Building trust and emotional connection first prevents shame from taking root.

4. Start with the Parents

Parents’ own health habits ripple through the family. Addressing your stress, sleep, or relationship with food sets a powerful example.
Change begins at home—but it begins with you.

Three Practical Steps to Start Today

Pause & Breathe – Take a moment to regulate yourself before tackling tense conversations.
Notice Patterns – Observe what, when, and where eating happens in your home.
Connect Emotions to Food – Ask what your child feels when they reach for certain foods. Is it hunger, boredom, or comfort-seeking?

The Big Takeaway

Health conversations don’t have to be filled with control, conflict, or criticism. When parents slow down, focus on connection, and model healthy patterns themselves, kids naturally build better relationships with food and with their bodies.

As Dr. Wendy reminds us: “The change starts with us.”